Most of my early childhood memories involve me playing…alone. One memory involves me playing in the ivy that was between our house and the neighbors that included a small palm tree pretending to be on an adventure in the jungle…alone. Another memory involves me in kindergarten on the playground looking down at a crack in the playground and wondering what was down in there…alone. Another memory involves me sitting on the curb outside our house in Garden Grove, California watching cars and people as they passed by…alone. I am the second of four children in my family. I’ve struggled with the lie that I am alone for most of my life in spite of being surrounded by people.
I’ve talked to the Lord about this lie for a long time knowing he promised not to leave us as orphans, sometimes wondering if he had heard me. But as I’ve learned through other seasons, even when God seems silent, he is working.
Over the last few weeks the Lord has brought up the topic of an orphan heart again. It seems like it’s been years since we first broached the subject. Looking back, I can see that he has been working on healing this issue with “believing I am alone” as the last piece of the wound to be healed.
It happened just the other night – the breakthrough I’ve been longing for. I had gone to bed with one of my worship playlists playing because sometimes Holy Spirit leads me to do so. I woke up around 3am just as Kari Jobe’s “I am not alone” came on. As she sang the lyric “I am not alone”, I sang it with her and suddenly I felt the lie break…I felt the power this lie has had over me vanish as it broke in two and instantly I could sense the presence of my Father embracing me with his love and I knew that I was NOT alone.
May we know and believe in our hearts that we are never alone as Jesus himself has promised to be with us always, to the very end of the age.
“…And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”
Matthew 28:20 (NLT)
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